Shamu

I'M MOVING TO GERMANY!!! Well, not just me by myself. Justin got orders for Germany. We are moving to Baumholder. We have to report by December 10th, which means we're having a European honeymoon, which is FINE with me. The next 2-3 years of my life will be spent overseas! How fucking awesome is that!? Come on now, you know you're excited, because now you have a reason to travel Europe. It's gonna be great!

There's a big Ranger picnic today, for Rangers, their wives, whatever. Justin is hoping to win a gun. I'm not kidding when I say he spend a good chunk of time yesterday telling me about the guns he could win. And hopes to win. If I win one of them, I'm never going to let him use it. I'll go to the shooting range every day and won't invite him. Because I'm spiteful.

No, I'm kidding. If I win it, he can have it. If he buys me candy.
I'm easy like that.


It's going to be 90degrees today. I'm hoping I don't overheat. I'm still not used to this insane weather.

This morning at 6am started the Best Ranger competition. Dude, it's a huge deal. It will probably be on ESPN at some point.
I really wanted to go to it. But no dice. Justin's working the jump zone today (that's what he said--I'm not even completely sure how one "works" a jump zone). So he said I would be bored. Because he will be bored. I want to see the obsticle course and stuff like that.

Honestly, I want Justin to compete in it before he gets out of the army.

Puppy still doesn't have a name. Little Man. I think we might go with Max though. I don't know. He's in the living room right now, playing with his pillow. When he gets older we're getting him a bean bag chair.

Tomorrow I have to start teaching a lifeguarding class. It has 7 kids in it. I should say 7 people. Man alive. I'm a bit nervous about it, as it's my first time teaching. But whatever. They want me to teach, I'll teach.

I love my new job. I think there's already someone pissed that I got the head lifeguard position. Ok, but I didn't even ask for it, they just gave it to me. And give me time. I'm good at what I do.

Outdoor pools open in May. Fuck Yeah.

This morning I woke up with enough time to get ready for work.

Instead I spent all my Getting Ready time responding to email. Good job Sam.

I rushed to get ready for work. Took a quick shower. Went to put on deoderant...and remembered that I was out. OOH!!! But I have more in my gym back. Nope, that's empty too. So, I wore Justin's. And spent today smelling like a boy.

I went to work. Managed to clock in JUST before 8. Brilliant.

An old woman told me she hates my hair and I should "change it back." Fuck off.

I talk to Justin. He says something about his graduation on Thursday. I say, "no, it's Friday. The 14th." "no Sam, it's THURSDAY, the THIRTEENTH." Fuck. I've told my supervisor the wrong day then. I said, last day would be Thursday, but last day has to be Wednesday now. I told Justin I would be there and damnit I will.

Ate lunch...ate so much I felt like I was going to throw up.
Ate a snack...ate so much I felt like I was going to throw up.
Ate dinner...ate much I felt like I was going to throw up. So I'm back to THAT bad habit. Great.

My AC keeps kicking on. It's set to 80, but it's so hot outside, that, well, it's hot enough in here for it to turn on. Grr.

And finally, now, at 8, I've realized that no, I didn't stop and pick up more deoderant. Which means one more day of smelling like a boy. Brilliant.


I really hope Justin comes home tomorrow. That would be awesome if I got out of work, came home, and there he was, chillin' on the couch with Tate.
They pulled him out of school this morning so that he could go to the Ranger graduation, where they awarded him with his Ranger of the Year stuff. Yey. Rock on Justin, you ARE the man (he won that board months ago...but we've been waiting for the award ceremony. And of course, I didn't get to go. Grr).

I in processed...which was 40 minutes of paperwork. Then I brought ONE piece of paper to a woman in ANOTHER building--that's all I had to do there, was hand her a piece of paper (I had to DRIVE to get to her. Pointless). Then off to the pool.

...which I never made it to, because I never found it. I drove around Ft Benning leaving Justin angry texts and calling and leaving nasty messages, because I could NOT find the pool. I cried a lot. I screamed "WHAT THE FUCK" a lot (windows closed...I don't want the entire US Army to know I'm insane).

Finally, I just went home. Broken. Feeling so lost and as though I could accomplish nothing. It wasn't a good day.

Last night Justin called and I had angry eyes on for the first 2 minutes of our conversation...because I was angry at myself and at Ft Benning...I wasn't mad at Justin. Finally after I yelled a little(not really yelled--I just spoke in my angry voice), I calmed down and apologized. Because I wasn't yelling at Justin. How can I be mad at someone who has no control over my situation? He gave me directions as only he can.


You see, I RARELY go to Ft Benning. I don't know where things are. Justin understands this. Everyone else would say, "do you know where the post office is? Do you know where the bowling alley is?" No. I don't. He gives me directions that I will understand--he uses the few places I DO know, and adds to my repetiore of new places.

Today when I got out of work, I drove back to exit 7, and then TO Ft Benning. Which actually makes zero sense, because I was in downtown Columbus, which is about 3 minutes from Ft Benning. But in order for my directions to work I needed to get on Ft Benning from the main gate, and the only way I know how to do that is from 185, and then best way I know how to get on 185 is exit 7. So I backtracked BIG time. But, his directions were flawless, and I found the pool.
And no Vivian. Turns out she left about 10 minutes before I got there. Great.

I did get to see guys jumping into the pool in BDUs, with guns--actually they were being pushed into the pool. We're talking full uniform here. Pants, top, boots, and BIG gun. Justin said they were probably blindfolded as well, but I was only paying attention to the big gun and all the screaming.

So more frustration over missing Vivian. Left Justin a frustrated message (again). He called me back on his 5 minute break, which I don't think he was supposed to do. He loves me.

Finally, it's all sorted out. I'm meeting her at the pool on Monday.




Tonight I'm working 7-9, because a bunch of Chad's friends are having a party for his birthday and Craig didn't want to miss it (seeing as they're flatmates, or lovers, or whatever it is they do). I told him I'd take the hours and he said, "no, I don't want you to have to take them. You need some time off." I gave a bit of angry eye and said, "look, Justin's gone for 2 more weeks. I'm tired of sitting at home and watching tv. So I will work for you tomorrow night." He said, "oh, I didn't know your fiance was gone...you should stop by the house." Ok...no. Not a fan of the pity invite. As much as I would like friends down here, I'm not taking friends who feel bad for me. No way.


And then I entered the twilight zone today. An old man in the senior group (they pretty much bounce around in the water for an hour--it's not really productive) looked up and said, "Could you turn it down?" I'm confused. "The radio. Could you turn it down?" Now I'm really confused because I don't ever turn the pool radion on. "It's distracting. Turn it down." (I don't even hear music). If there is music, it's coming from upstairs, and I have no control over the volume.
Oh my god, seriously. He was freaking me out.

Do you notice you cry a lot more when you're feeling helpless?

Saturday was awesome. There were 3 groups of 40 people coming in to take CPR. There were a lot of young parents there. And that was cool. Just to be able to teach someone a lifesaving skill. Something that hopefully they'll never have to use, but just in case something happens, they'll be ready for whatever it is. That made me feel awesome. I realized that I enjoy this. Teaching. Not necessarily in a school, but it will be fun to be working on base, and teaching lifeguarding and all that good stuff.

The girl who is the aquatics director for Ft Benning was talking about the first time she taught lifeguarding. She looked at me and said, "No offense to your fiance, but guys at 4th RTB are ass holes." I said, "really?" She said, "they don't want to joke around--they take everything so seriously!" Then she started going on about how they don't want to listen or take orders from women. That's funny. The only guys I know are 4th RTB guys, and they are funny, VERY respectful of women, and definitely NOT ass holes. Oh well. Maybe I just see a different side of them...then again--hell, those guys are awesome, I don't know what she's talking about.


And yesterday I quit my job. Or gave my 2 weeks, or however many weeks I gave. I told him I would guard through the 14th, and teach through the end of April. Tomorrow I go in process for the "lead lifeguard" job on base. Yippie. I can't wait. I felt really bad about quitting, but at the same time, Chad was being a twat yesterday, so I'm not crying over it or anything.

Tristan Prettyman makes me want to play guitar all day long. But not today. I'm home for 2 hours, and then have to head back to work...blah.

When Justin came home Friday (instead of going to the Welcome Home ceremony for the 2000something soldiers that came home in January), he stole The Hitchhiker's Guide. And then yesterday he told me he's actually been reading it! Yey. I'm so happy! Justin DOES know how to read! This is the first time in knowing him that I've ever known him to read. Sweet. He's a smart guy and all--he just doesn't read. This is so exciting for me. Maybe now instead of asking me what EVERY book I've ever read is about, he'll just read it for himself...maybe.

I'm helping to teach a mass CPR class today. It's actually 3 classes, 140 people total. Or maybe it's 140 people in each class.

Needless to say, I'm better in smaller groups, but when the woman asked if I could help out I couldn't say no, because she let me take the Lifeguard Instructor class for free, so I owe her.

6 hours is a long time. I know the skills. I know what I'm doing. But I'm nervous about people. I would take a Xanax, but I don't want to fall asleep at the class.

Look at me volunteering for the Red Cross. I freaking rule...I'm only doing it because it's the Army Red Cross, and it's helping soldiers and their families. If they didn't do such good for the military, I'd leave them the hell alone, because I have Red Cross issues. But they do good by military.

I get to in process at some point in the next two weeks. I love in processing. Actually I'm absolutely clueless about in processing. Military life.


Justin got to come home for a bit yesterday, and then he'll be back home tonight until tomorrow night. Happy girlfriend. I enjoy the little moments we have together so much more. I take him for granted when he's always here (that's actually not true at all--I never take that boy for granted).

CPR time. Oh nerves.

Tomorrow we're going to the Georgia Aquarium.
That's right, biggest in the world baby!

I love my sis, she's great and all. But her addiction to the internet is driving me crazy. She's in here, on the computer from the time she wakes up until she goes to sleep, only leaving if I ask her (multiple) times if she wants to do something. I seriously can't believe that she flew all this way just to IM her friends in NY. It makes no sense to me.

Of course I know we've never been close, so I guess it's better than yelling at each other or something. But come on. Make an effort please. I'm trying my best to come up with things for her to do, and she doesn't give a shit.

Justin needs to come home soon. Because I need him here.

Ricki Comes Today!!!

I'm not going to lie to you, I'm still secretly waiting for Justin to come home.

And even worse--he texted me earlier to tell me he was miserable. It's been 12 hours and already we're miserable? We are BOTH hopeless.


A kid at work got his hair cut--he says so he can do a fauhawk. Then he said I should too. Ok, but his haircut isn't even condusive to ANY sort of style whatsoever. I NEED MY JIM BACK!!!



I have no cheekbones--instead I have these pudgy little kid cheeks. Oh weight gain. How you disgust me.

So I'm a punk. Justin didn't go out. Nobody went out. When I asked him where they were going he said, "we're going downtown." I thought the "we" meant him and Joel. So I got huffy, cuz, last weekend, I want to spend it with my husband. No, by we he meant us...AND Joel. So we argued a bit, made up a bit, and then definitely fell asleep on the couch. And then in proper Justin form he woke up and started talking about M words, and No, he DIDN'T want to make a list of M words.
It went like this.

"No, stop I don't want to make a list of M words."
"Justin?...do you want to go to sleep?"
"There are too many and I don't have time to make a list."
"Baby, what are you talking about?"
This is where I start laughing (and I always start laughing) and he got mad (and he always gets mad. But hey if you were having a conversation with someone in YOUR sleep and they started laughing, you'd get angry too).
"Don't laugh. This isn't funny. I'm not writing down my M words."

And at this point I gave up and fell back to sleep. And when we FINALLY went to bed he said, "Sam, you can't wake me up with weird questions anymore." He though I actually ASKED him to list M words. He thought this was all my doing!

Everyone needs a Justin for this very reason.



Yesterday we bought a couch. We found one we LOVED for $798, but decided to keep looking. We came back and went to buy it, and the woman said, "just these 2 pieces then?" pointing to the sofa and the love seat. I looked at her and said, "oh no, just the sofa." and she looked back and said, "oh no. They're a set. It's $798 for the set. Did you think that was just for the sofa?" Yes. Justin and I SO got a free love seat. And microfiber is freaking amazing. It's being delivered in 2 weeks. I want it today. But I can't have it today.

If i don't start getting ready for work NOW I'm going to be painfully late.

I have 21 hours left with Justin. Boo.

I've spent the entire week being excited for the weekend. Spending this last weekend with Justin before he runs off to school for 30 days.

Then we found out that he has to jump tomorrow.
On the up side, that gives me a day to get my Lifeguard Instructor Certification.

So we have Sunday and some of Monday before he's off.

And even though we've been through this, and there have been longer times apart, we've had a good 6 months together without interruption. And it's been nice.

After this school is another for 6 weeks, half of which is in South Carolina, half of which is in Tennessee. Then once we move he'll have to come back to Ft. Benning for a month for another school.

Ooh, and he just got the new ACU's (don't aske me what that stands for, cuz I have no idea). EVERYTHING is velcro on them. How cool is that!? The army rules! (sometimes)

But we DO get to go couch shopping before he goes, which is more exciting than you know.


Alissa's flying down to Miami for spring break with her boyfriend. They will be about 5-7 hours away from me, and I won't be seeing them. What the fuck.
Ricki comes down in 10 days though, and THAT'S exciting.


I am always tired. I hate it.

But on the plus side, I got offered a lifeguarding job, 40 hrs a week, better pay, and it's on base. Sweet! I'll also be teaching lifeguarding...to who? Oh you know, soldiers, other people on base. The woman could almost promise me head lifeguard at one of the outdoor pools this summer as well. Sweet life! And she came after me, I didn't even pursue the woman or anything! How exciting. She saw me teaching swim lessons and offered me a job. Life sometimes works out well.

I'm empty on the inside.
I guess that's really the only place TO be empty.
Well, there.
Empty.

There was an ad in the paper yesterday.

"Free Kittens
Gray and White Long Hair with cute faces."

I want.
I love gray and white kittens AND long hair kittens.
Peter was gray and white (short hair), and Clark is (but lives in NY) long hair (black and white). It would be like a cute adorable combination of my 2 favorite kitties.

But I can't have until we move. Because why pay the pet renter's fee here ONLY to move and have to pay it again.

Maybe I could get one and not tell Justin. I could carry it around in my pocket and no one would ever know I even had it!
That would never work.
But I'm willing to give it a shot.

Hairdressers that AREN'T my hairdresser don't listen. And Jim doesn't even need words to know exactly what I want. He just knows. I haven't had to be specific about a hair cut since I was 19 years old.

When I left he gave me rules for going to a new hairdresser:
1. Be Extremely Specific. "No one else is going to know what you want like I do."
2. Even if you are specific, hairdressers WON'T listen, so have a picture.
3. Use hairdresser terms. "You went to school for this and you KNOW what you want."

So, it went like this. "I want a lot of texturizing (which if it was said to me I'd probably break out the TEXTURIZING SCISSORS), I'm tired of my hair laying flat, I normally wear it asymmetrically cut, but I shaved my head in December--I'm looking to go back to the asymmetry. But most importantly, I don't want straight lines." She had a book on her station, which I knew, so I opened to the correct page and pointed to the EXACT cut I wanted. "THIS is what I'm going for."

My hair cut went like this. She cut the back really short, and then just trimmed my ends. No matter how you pick up my hair it's nothing BUT straight lines. I sat in silence as she did such a shit job on my hair.
It looked exactly the same when I walked out as it did when I went in. Justin looked at me and said, "that's it?" after it only took about 10 minutes (When Jim cuts my hair, it's 30-40 to cut and 20-30 to style).

There's no texture. It's bulky on the top and the sides. My bangs are straight across.
I paid more for that crappy cut than I normally do for what Jim likes to call "magazine hair." Up until October I had spent 4 years looking like something out of a Rusk catalogue...not so much anymore.

I give myself a week before I go at it with the scissors myself. I'm tempted to spend the $300 to fly round trip to Albany JUST to get my hair cut by my man.



I don't know if I can do this again. I was so traumatized. I know I know, I'm the queen of saying, "it's just hair!" but after going SO long with "just" amazing hair, it's hard to go back to less than mediocre hair.

I honestly could've cried.

P.S. She didn't say a WORD to me. Jim and I discuss music, life, politics, life. He still asks about me whenever he sees Jenn or Alissa. This woman said nothing. I'm still traumatized.

I just want to be normal.

"Alabama law states intoxication can negate whether someone intended to commit a crime, and proof of intent is required for a murder conviction."

That's right. As long as you're drunk, you can get away with murder. If that were the case, then the 4 army guys who killed on of their friends a couple years ago got it all wrong. They should've turned RIGHT out of the parking lot of the strip club and drove 15 minute in the OTHER direction, landing them in Alabama. THEN when they beat their friend to death, they ALL could've gotten off. Because it's ok, you didn't mean to. You were drunk.

Now, does this apply to vehicular manslaughter. You didn't "intend" to kill them with your car while you were drunk. So we'll let you go.

Or can a drunken husband pull out a gun and shoot his wife in a fight, as long as he's drunk?


A man was found innocent today, because 2 years ago he killed his father in law, because while he was drunk, he pulled a gun on the man, because he was CONVINCED that his father in law had a gun and was going to shoot him...it was "self defense." No, it was drunken stupidity, and that shouldn't give you the right to kill someone!

Keep in mind that this is the same state that doesn't allow strip clubs or drinking on Sunday, because you might spend all your time in the bar instead of in church...and YET you can get drunk and KILL someone, and it's suddenly not your fault, because of your BAC?

I'm disgusted to live so close to a state with such rediculous laws.

Justin got home early last night! That's right, at 9:00. I was shocked and impressed.

I've worked out AND swam today...and I still weigh 145. I think I'm expecting weight loss to be a bit more like magic. It's just not.

I finished reading Everything is Illuminated...definitely had incredible moments, but I think it left some things a bit too unfinished.
But that's just my opinion.
I have no idea what to read next.

Even after I take a shower I still smell like chlorine...that's what happens when you swim every day. And it makes me itchy! Grr.

As there is nothing else to do, I believe I will make this nap time.

Justin got home at 11 last night. Which means after we had eaten dinner, brushed our teeth, and gone over our day with each other it was 12:30. It sucks for both of us. I had to work at 6am, and he has another 14-15 hour day ahead of him. Thankfully tomorrow is the last night of this insanity (for February at least. March is a whole new month).

Hey, so that you all know, a guy died Sunday at Army Combatives School...which is basically hand fighting and stuff like that. They teach it to officers and stuff like that, and then they go back and teach the enlisted guys. He got punched in the face, fell and hit his head on Thursday, and was dead by Saturday night.
Stuff like this RARELY ever happens, so when it does, they have to look into everything and scrutinize everything. In November a guy died on his last jump at Airborne school...they still don't know what happened.
At the same time, I'll be happy when Justin's no longer Airborne. He hasn't jumped since I've been down here, which is good, cuz I'd spend the whole day being nervous...that's what I did in NY when I knew he was jumping...now I'd be waiting all day just for him to come home (kind of like I do every night, huh).


Have I mentioned yet that I need a life? Seriously

If Justin were home to see my current hair "style" it would definitely be vetoed before I was ever allowed to leave the house. Not because he's an dick or anything, but because I have big scary hair...well, as big and scary and a grown-out-shaved-head can look. My 1 1/2" of hair is just big all over. I look like a character from Pokemon or Sonic the Hedgehog. I'm quite impressed by it, and if I had any bleach in Georgia I'd put little blonde streaks in it so that it looked more like flames.
Right now, being all red, it still looks like flames.

Oh hair. I just want it to be back to crazy. What was I thinking, shaving my head. Seriously. I put a hat on, I look like I'm dying of cancer (it's true, you can't deny it...no one can). With my sunken in eyes, and malnourished look, and no hair, I really look like I don't have much time left on this earth. How horrible. Well this way if it ever does happen (cancer...hey, at the rate I'm going I'll have cervical cancer by the time I'm 30), at least I'm ready for how I'll look.

Flamehead is not even an understatement right now. I woke up with a sick desire to go back to asymmetrical hair, but that would involve more shaving...this time only one one side, but I sort of decided to lay off the clippers for a while. Yeah, we can be friends, but we can't be best friends forever.

I need Jim! I need a really good hair cut and super sexy color!

I missed out on being in a art show with my HAIR as an exhibit because I moved to Georgia. What the hell.

I need to start platform modeling. Then at least it's someone else fucking up my hair and not just me all the time. Then at least I have someone to blame for messy crazy insanity.

I really hate these late nights Justin has. Boo. He left this morning at 5:30, came home at 8:30, left again at 9:30, and won't be back until anywhere between 9-midnight. That kills me.
March 23rd Justin's leaving for Warriors and Leaders. I know that's still weeks away. Still, I can't help but think, what will I do with myself for 3-4 weeks alone.
I get Ricki until the 27th, but then I'm on my own.

I need friends.



Tanya and I always discuss this...when you're 23 (or 27 in her case), what are you supposed to do? Call people up and ask if they want to hang out with you? It's just silly. Maybe it's not so silly for other people. But for Tanya and I, it seems silly.
And this is why we're both living in new states, with no friends, having these bizarre anger outbursts.
And I'm sure this is why Justin suggested we move to Las Vegas. Cuz if you can't MAKE friends, MOVE to where you have friends.

Whatever. Someone come over and eat dinner with me. I have these cute coconut cookies that I made last night and they're so yummy. And...oh I've got nothin'. Meh.

Back to watching movies. Next, Serenity.

And if you've never seen it, definitely throw The Salton Sea on your list of movies to see. So good. Val Kilmer is pretty sexy. Justin's in love with the flames he's got tattooed on his arm in that movie. He should get those tattooed on his stomach (ya know, anything better than your husband having "Sinner" tattooed across his stomach. Don't EVEN ask me why he wants it cuz I have NO idea. But in vetoing his "Sinner" tattoo, he got to veto my angelfish tattoo. mur).

Seriously, I can't stop typing, and I know this is so mindless/random, but what else am I possibly going to do with my time!?

Boredom boredom boredom.

I promise to dance to Will Smith's "Switch" if you come over and hang out with me! AND I'll cook you WHATEVER you want. PLEASE!!!



Eh, it's useless.